I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
