Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
