I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Four minutes until I can fart!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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