I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
