I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
