the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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