just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
