My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize