...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize