your parents love me but you hate me
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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