i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
