The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
