I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
