At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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