it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
