If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
