we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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