Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
