Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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