What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize