I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Everything about him screamed your future.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
