I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
