Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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