He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
