then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
