with your own penis?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Every concussion has its silver lining
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
