She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
you made out with another girl for some wings
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
