So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
