I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
