girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
