woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
