Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
