Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
