I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
