Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
