I just saw a hot homeless man
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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