i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize