If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Randomize
