i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
this just has baby written all over it
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
