i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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