I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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