dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
