i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
