Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
