Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
