She said her name was "party"
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize