you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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