The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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