i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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