I need help removing her.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
