It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
sex in a hospital.. check
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
