Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Sober January is a disaster.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
