Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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