Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
This is my gift to your gina
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
