I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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