i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
