Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
