I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just took my morning after pill in the library
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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