Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
