Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
