After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize