so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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