They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
