Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
