I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
