My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
