i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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