Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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