Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
