from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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