you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize