You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
