just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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