Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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