she was so not down for the gang bang
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize