Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
