I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm bleeding and have questions
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
