omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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