my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
